When a couple with children divorces, parenting plans and custody arrangements usually take center stage. But an often underestimated and emotionally charged issue is how parents will manage and share their children’s ongoing expenses. From school supplies to medical bills, extracurricular activities, and even college tuition, the list of shared costs can quickly grow—and so can the disagreements.
Why Clarity Matters in Shared Expense Agreements
Most Marital Settlement Agreements (MSAs) include clauses that define how expenses should be divided. These often reference percentages based on each parent's income, custody time, or a standard guideline provided by the state. For example, some states—such as New Jersey—require that the first $250 per child, per year, of unreimbursed medical expenses be paid by the primary parent before cost-sharing kicks in.
The way percentages and deductibles are structured can have lasting implications. If the arrangements are too simplistic, they might not account for real-life variability. If too complex, they become impossible to track or enforce. It’s critical to strike a balance—one that ensures fairness while remaining workable for both parents.
Understanding Deductibles Before Cost-Sharing
One crucial concept often overlooked is the deductible—a threshold expense that one parent (often the primary caretaker) must pay in full before shared percentages begin to apply.
Here are a few common examples:
- Medical expenses: In New Jersey, the first $250 per child per year of unreimbursed medical expenses is typically paid entirely by one parent before the remaining costs are split.
- Extracurriculars: Some agreements specify that the first $500 of sports or arts program costs per child must be paid by the enrolling parent before cost-sharing applies.
- Technology or school supplies: Parents may agree that purchases under $100 are not shared, while larger items (like a $1,000 laptop) are split after a minimum personal contribution is made.
The important thing to remember is that deductibles are negotiable and should be explicitly defined in the MSA to avoid misunderstandings later on.
Common Shared Expenses and Real-World Examples
Here are typical expenses and how they might be shared after deductibles are met, based on a 70/30 income-based split:
Category | Example | Deductible Applied? | Sharing Scenario |
| College Tuition | $20,000/year | No | Parent A pays $14,000
Parent B pays $6,000 |
| Sports & Activities | $1,200 for club soccer | First $500 by enrolling parent | Remaining $700: Parent A pays $490
Parent B pays $210 |
| Medical | $500 orthodontist visit | First $250 by Parent A | Remaining $250: Parent A pays $175
Parent B pays $75 |
| Entertainment | $100 concert ticket | No | Parent A pays $70
Parent B pays $30 |
| Cell Phone | $90/month plan | No | Parent A pays $63
Parent B pays $27 |
| Laptop for School | $1,000 computer | First $100 by Parent A | Remaining $900: Parent A pays $630
Parent B pays $270 |
| Camp or Tutoring | $2,400 summer program | No | Parent A pays $1,680
Parent B pays $720 |
Technology Makes It Easier: Using ExExpense.com
Fortunately, modern tools can simplify these calculations. Platforms like ExExpense.com allow each parent to upload expenses, apply deductibles, and automatically calculate their share based on the agreement. This eliminates manual tracking, reduces conflict, and creates a record that both parents (and legal professionals, if necessary) can reference.
It’s especially useful when managing expenses across multiple categories with different rules—such as deductibles for medical expenses but not for school supplies, or full sharing for college costs but partial for sports fees.
ExExpense is different than other expense management solutions because it tracks a running total and does not force each individual expense to be settled individually. Personally, I had 90 shared expenses to be settled in my first year, and we settled up monthly, as do many ExExpense users.
Key Takeaways for Each Audience
For Parents:
- Know the deductibles in your agreement—they matter.
- Use a shared tracking tool like ExExpense.com to eliminate confusion.
- Clarify which parent is responsible for initiating or approving shared costs.
For Legal Professionals:
- Be sure MSAs define deductibles per category and when cost-sharing begins.
- Recommend modern tools to minimize future disputes and enforcement actions.
- Plan for adjustments in income or inflation, particularly for long-term obligations like tuition.
For Family Mediators:
- Ask clients if their current system for tracking expenses is working.
- Offer guidance on equitable deductibles and cost categories.
- Encourage the use of tech platforms to maintain peace and accountability.
Final Thought
Post-divorce parenting requires more than emotional cooperation—it also demands financial clarity and logistical coordination. By defining deductibles clearly, structuring equitable cost-sharing, and using smart tools like ExExpense.com, parents can minimize friction, uphold their obligations, and keep the focus where it belongs: on the well-being of their children.